Commitment to connection

This principle is an invitation to increase the level of commitment you have to stay in connection with whatever is arising between you and other people. Commitment to Connection involves revealing yourself to the other, staying in what is happening in the relationship, and in the connection in each moment. 

This can also build your capacity to stay with increasing sensations in yourself, and to notice where you move away from what is actually happening for you—perhaps in order to move away from discomfort. This can give you space to feel and express what is really true for you, and discover new meaning in feelings long avoided.

Commitment to Connection can take intimacy to much deeper levels than we normally allow in our interactions. Intimacy means really allowing the other person to see where we are and who we are in that moment—and this can be one of the scariest things we do in life! It also means being willing to see another person for who they are, and seeing how that may or may not match up with ideas and expectations we have about them. This changes the game of what is possible in relating and relationship.

However, this principle also invites us to turn common notions of intimacy and connection on their heads. This is not a commitment to staying with someone if we don't want to, or revealing every single thing that arises within us. In essence, it is a willingness to be with what is arising between you and the other—even if the quality of connection seems distant, guarded, or confusing. In other words, it should not be mistaken for fixed ideas of ‘openness’ or ‘intimacy’. Our invitation on the course is to begin to explore your relationship to this principle and to test those edges, stepping into a deeper Commitment to Connection where you feel able to.

Intimacy begins with a connection to self. The depth you can experience in your own being (as well as your willingness to be with what is actually happening in you) is directly connected to what is possible when you relate with others.

Increasing your Commitment to Connection

Using the lens of this principle you can begin to notice when you turn away from connection, and from sharing what is really happening with those around you. 

Especially in buddy Circling, start to reveal when you are feeling the edges of your commitment, for example: “I notice I feel uncomfortable and I want to move away", or “When you say that you feel sad, I notice I become careful and awkward”.

There can often be moments in a Circle where the confusion or tension feel unresolvable. In these moments, see if you can stay present and in connection even when there is a high level of uncertainty.

We find deeper connections are forged, and alchemy can happen, in the times we have stayed in connection—even when it felt impossible to meet each other.

Bringing this principle into your everyday life

Start to notice your current level of Commitment to Connection in general, in all of your relationships.

• Which relationships do you find it most challenging to connect truthfully in? Begin to explore why you hold back parts of your experience with certain people. Which relationships do you open up most in, and why?

• Which feelings or emotions do you find the most difficult to express in connection? Which are the easiest?

• What are the points where you often move away from connection—either by not expressing what is alive in you, or by moving away? When do you notice yourself moving towards connection?