Owning your experience
Owning Your Experience is an essential principle in Circling and leadership development.
The impact we have on others when we own our experience is cleaner and opens a space for more depth. This is because we are not assessing the outside and proportioning direct blame and responsibility on others for what is happening inside ourselves.
At the same time, if we own what is true in ourselves there is more incentive for others to take responsibility for what is happening in them.
The ability to own our experience comes from a capacity to be present, often sitting with tension and taking time to seek the real response in ourselves. This can be vulnerable because the thought of what is happening is unpleasant or unwanted.
Owning our experience is possible when we don't have an attachment to a certain outcome. In a case where we want a particular result ahead of time, then owning what is true is more likely to be painful when it deviates from the planned outcome.
An example might be: a friend getting angry and shouting at you. The immediate response can be the thought that this is aggressive and makes you look weak, and you may begin to form a defensive reaction. However, when feeling deeper into your body experience you may realize there is no strong emotional response, but your body is contracted and turned away from the intensity. It can then be vulnerable to share this in the face of their supposed anger.
Often, in this situation, it gives space for the other to look closely at what they are feeling that might be different to their initial communication.
The other capacity that requires attention and practice is being able to feel inwardly in the moment—to discern what the real feeling is. It often does not appear right away, and this can create uncertainty when in a situation with others expecting a communication from you. Owning that you do not know what you are feeling, and want a bit more time to find out, can create a strong leadership of the space.
Owning Your Experience takes surrender to the truth of the moment, and often a penetration of our habitual ways of thinking about what should and should not happen. It can reveal a more profound sense of responsibility, purpose, and integrity.
At it’s best Owning Your Experience is a sense of 100% responsibility for everything that is happening, and seeing the ‘perfection’ in it, including your authentic response.